Just some Blonde jokes
Mar. 6th, 2011 05:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kudaNo blondes were harmed in these jokes.
I promise.
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland .. They were driving on
the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.
They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking,
and one blonde says to the other,
'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river
and sees another blonde on the opposite bank
'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river
and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder
and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and
screamed even more She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car
on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to
see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down
his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, “ IT'S A SCARF! ” and sped off .
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALLBLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired
two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex
and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard
of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
I promise.
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland .. They were driving on
the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.
They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking,
and one blonde says to the other,
'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river
and sees another blonde on the opposite bank
'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river
and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder
and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and
screamed even more She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car
on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to
see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down
his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, “ IT'S A SCARF! ” and sped off .
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALLBLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired
two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex
and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard
of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
