kuda | Warning NSFW - Newly discovered Chinese mushroom

100 Things Meme #7

Do not watch this video at work or around anyone that might
be offended by this. I feel sorry for this poor reporter. This video
might haunt her the rest of her career.

Residents of the Chinese town of Liucunbu recently unearthed an
unknown rubbery "fungus" deep underground while drilling a well.
Perplexed by this mycological mystery, the workers consulted the
investigative journalism program Xi'an Up Close, who sent reporte
r Ye Yunfeng on the scene. Once there, she soon identified the find
as a mushroom of the region. The only problem? The villagers had
actually dug up a lost sex toy depicting a grotesquely disembodied
vagina and anus. This led to a hearty amount of on-air, accidental innuendo.

"On this side, you can see what looks like a pair of lips," [Ye] adds. "And on that side,
there is a tiny hole which extends all the way back to this side. The object looks very
shiny, and it feels really fleshy and meaty too."
"I've done my own research on the internet," says the afore-mentioned villager. "It's a
type of lingzhi mushroom, called the taisui." Without skipping a beat, reporter Ye chimes
in with her own research, saying this type of lingzhi is generally found in the Shaanxi
region deep underground and is hence rarely seen. "When the Emperor Qin Shi Huang
was on the hunt for the secret to longevity," she elucidates, "it is said he discovered this
lingzhi was the answer."

In response to the ensuing internet mockery, Xi'an Up Close offered up a damning apology.
Said the show in an online statement, "As our reporter was still very young and unwise to
the ways of the world, this report has brought great inconvenience to everyone." On the contrary,
bet there's some lucky soul out there clapping gleefully, itching to be reunited with his dual-orificed paramour.